May 29, 2004
I’m again having doubts whether I was right about accepting the writing offer. I’m just so “off” these days. I’m having a hard time adjusting to the team and to the system. It was so naïve of me to think that it would be fun just like writing My First Romance. It really still depends on the people and the creative process involved. Right now, I feel that the team lack members who are young at heart or those who really understand what the youth’s going through these days considering we are writing a youth show. Or maybe I’m just looking for young creative team members coz’ at 24 I’m the youngest in the team and I’m looking for someone who may not necessarily share my creative ideas but at least we are in the same wavelength. I also feel a little bit tensed because they still haven’t hired a co-writer. And while I’ll not be writing the pilot episodes, it still stresses me because I don’t really believe in my writing powers and I accepted the offer believing I’ll have a writing partner. Or I may need rest. I actually told them that I wanna go home first, take a break and recharge my energies after the strenuous 6-month shoot for All My Life, but they requested that I set aside my vacation plan ‘coz we’re launching by mid-June. I’m just so drained now. And it just dawned on me that I’ll be writing a continuing series, which means that if they won’t fire me in the future or if the series will do good, I might grow old writing this stuff and I don’t want that to happen. I wanna grow. I don’t wanna write the same stuff. I still wanna do production work. Of course it doesn’t help I have been receiving offers to do production work, thanks to All My Life, and I had to say no because of the youth show. Argh! Good Lord, help me!