Tidbits

Tension in the air. Our soap’s going to be delayed one week, yet again. Week One script is more or less approved but production couldn’t catch up with the airing date. Add the fact that it’s still a mystery how the other network got hold of our early draft script. If the tabloid article was right, the other channel is going to reformat their youth show and give it the same title as ours. I don’t know if this is a laughing matter but it certainly is laughable! :) Does that make sense?

***

Sent an email again to Ms. M reiterating my desire to resign after Mr. Head Writer comes back from his US vacation. They’re going to meet later to discuss creative team matters (Ms. M, Mr. Head Writer, Mr. Creative Manager, and some big bosses maybe) so I’m keeping my fingers crossed that my exit will be smooth. Argh! :)

***

I’m having a hard time at school. I only have 1 subject but it’s so demanding. And Dr. Joel David is such a genius I find it intimidating to give silly answers during class recitation. And my classmates are sooooo serious. And I haven’t read a single paragraph in the 5 chapters of readings assigned so far. I enjoy the regular film showings though. :) This makes me realize again that I may really just love the movies, pop culture and what have you, but I may need NOT necessarily work for the industry. Somebody help me find out my true calling please!

***

Why do I get this feeling that Mr. Head Writer calls us for meetings not to discuss the script or story, but to make us his support system whenever he feels angsty about “the system”? I should begin asking for a shrink fee.

Back to School

I'm going back to school today. Film 201 class under "the" Doctor Joel David. I'm scared. I didn't expect to be taking up a major subject already. When I had myself enlisted last week, I was sure I would take up Film 112 since that's the remaining prereq subject I have to take for not being a Film major in my undergrad. I was obviously surprised when Prof. Armi (adviser) told me that I need NOT take Film 112 and can proceed already with the subjects ending in 200+. I was taken aback coz I wasn't prepared, didn't even study the course curriculum. I looked at the five subjects for MA students of freshman standing. There's Media Studies 20something with my undergrad thesis adviser as professor but I was thinking I might not be ready to take that subject yet coz I still don't know my regular work sked and having her, as a teacher really requires full concentration on her class. It also helps that I read in Miaka's blog what happened to Luthien who was her student last sem and who felt the grade she gave was unfair. It got me scared. I'd like to think I left a good impression on her and I don't wanna destroy that by coming to her class unprepared. So I had no choice but just to take Film 201. I don't know what the subject is about. Film seminar something. I know what you're thinking. Is this the mind of an MA student? :)

Rate Me

Yahoo!:) I got a 1.25 in my Film 100 class. I mean, wow. I’m so happy!:) I’m a certified geek! I’m so Tracy Flick in Election! Or I’m so Neri of Star Circle Quest. LOL! :) I love you Ma’am Gigi Alfonso! I’m all ready to enroll now for next semester! Wow. Can I say that again? Wow. :)

***

Argh! I don’t like it when I’m too happy. After hearing the good news, I don’t know what got into me, but I bought seven (that’s 7!) 99-peso hardbound novels on sale in National Bookstore! To think I don’t even have time to read these novels. In fact, my good friend Sanda has been texting me to return her novel Prague which I borrowed last year and which I still haven’t read. The novels are all good though (rated A by the book critics of EW) and the fact that they’re on sale made the situation more irresistible.


I bought the following books:
1. The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin and Nicola Kraus
2. Austerlitz by W.G. Sebald
3. Carter Beats the Devil by Glen David Gold
4. Random Family (Love, Drugs, Trouble and Coming of Age in the Bronx) by Adrian Nicole LeBlanc
5. The Crimson Petal and the White by Michael Faber
6. Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer
7. Running with Scissors by Augusten Burroughs


I just hope they live up to the good reviews coz’ they pretty much are what I’ll be reading for the rest of the year. Actually, I’m encouraging you to check the on-sale books in National Bookstore. There are really lots of good ones like Alice Sebold’s The Lovely Bones, Jonathan Franzen’s The Corrections, Joseph Kanon’s The Good German and Carl Hiaasen’s Basket Case - all for 99 pesos only. Hardbound too.

After the impulse buying, I proceeded to watch Shrek 2. The movie’s “two thumbs up” for me. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It has good visuals but more importantly, it has a very smart screenplay which subtly critiques societal stereotypes and faux definition of happiness. Whew! :) I also like the tongue-in-cheek humor of the movie.

***

All My Life didn’t get any rating from the Film Ratings Board. I’m so sad. I still don’t know why it didn’t get any rating. (I’m going to research tomorrow). Nevertheless, I’m also beginning to be even more proud with My First Romance. LOL. :)

***

My brief appearance in The Making of All My Life special in Cinema 1 is not doing me any good. Many people actually believe that I’m so rich now because I was the movie’s assistant director. God, how I wish their assumption is true. I’m as poor as a rat. The money left in my bank account can’t even afford me a plane ticket back home. I’m not exaggerating. And I wanna go home. I miss home. I miss my family. Huhuhuhu! :)

Free Doom

I think I'm going to get a low grade in my film class. I always come to class late. My reaction papers on the films we viewed are only 3 paragraphs long (my classmates submit 3 pages). I don't participate in class discussions (I'm too sleepy or tired to talk, coming from a shooting that ends the dawn earlier). And I'll be absent again for at least 2 more classes due to work. I might not even get to report my assigned topic. Is this goodbye academe for me?

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We're supposed to shoot today but it was packed up. One of our actors begged off saying he'll have himself confined in the hospital for 3 days. He told us he thinks he has health problems. The malicious side in me thinks otherwise. I think he's going to have a liposuction. I know, evil thinking! :) But I can't help but think so considering we had to do some reshoots due to producers' concern about his weight. Or I may be just making too much drama out of this.

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You think I'd be free since we won't be shooting till Saturday. But no, I still have to go to the office to conduct some freakin' auditions. Gad, I'm so frustrated over the lack of talents who can act but are not expensive. It seems there is a dearth of good talents here in the P.I. People who audition are either fans who just want to see how a shooting goes or impoverished bums who simply want to earn something, anything. I'm frustrated because this is the aspect of shoot where I get the most "okray" from Direk. It really dampens my spirit, you know. It's like I'm already anticipating that Direk would "okray" me every shoot because of the quality of talents who come to the set. Argh!!! Lord, help me!

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A classmate is reporting right now about the auteur theory. He keeps pronouncing auteur as "aute-ur". Now, I'm also not good in pronunciation (or diction even) but dude, it's pronounced as "autur"! NOT "aute-ur"!!! Ugh!

Out of Time

F*%# it! I don't have time to be depressed! Or can be, I don't have time for myself, and I'm still depressed. Work is sucking the life out of me. Shootings, pre-production work, auditions, argh! Ass directing job sucks! I want this to be done already. Not that I'm sure what my next job will be. I'll probably be a penniless bum again. But I'm so freakin' tired. To be young and tired, that is the problem. I'm confused. Can I say that I'm now doubting if this (movie prod work) is what I really want? I don't know. Maybe I'm just lazy. Or jaded. I'm thinking that maybe having the passion for cinema doesn't mean that I also have to work for the movies. Maybe it's just an interest, not something I should make a career of. Aaaaah! I only have a brief time to blog. I still have to submit some reaction paper for my film class. Maybe my EP is right when she told me I want to pursue a lot of things, yet I don't really know what I want. I'm lost...

Dazed and Confused

You know life’s really unfair when the talent fee of the main actor’s make-up artist is double the amount of the talent fee of the script supervisor. I just found out last Sunday when I got my contract for the new movie project. It’s sad but it’s a fact. It depresses me that I studied for more than 10 years to have a job like this and that fact seems to acknowledge that those years are wasted.

The afternoon of that infamous first school day, I got to meet my former workmate Kate who’s also on her first day of teaching in UP. She just got back from Singapore where she finished her Masters Degree under a scholarship grant. We had lunch together with her Singapore classmate Jane who’s also teaching in Mass Comm and who happens to be my former undergrad teacher. They really bonded well during their Singapore stint and it’s obvious they had the time of their lives there. You know the feeling when you watched a very good movie and you want (really want) others to see that movie also? I guess that’s what Kate and Jane felt that moment. They want me to experience what they experienced. It seems like a bulb lit up their heads when after they reminisced, they looked at me and said “You should apply, Ted.”

I was hesitant at first. I did consider that option way back but now that I’m accepted in the Master’s program in UP, I think that’s more than enough for me. Let’s just say I’m not really one of those who has an American (or in this case, Singapore) dream. I don’t see myself living and working in a foreign land. The third world sucks but the P.I is my home. Of course I’m already counting the chicks here but you know, what if I will be accepted? There’s also the fact that the deadline is on December 15 already and I still have to fulfill the numerous requirements - passport which I still have to apply for, authenticated birth certificate, docu evidence of my work employment, transcript of records, just to mention a few. However, Kate and Jane were just too excited for me and I don’t want to let their hopes down (now you’re aware I have difficulty saying no) so I said that I’ll try my best to prepare everything needed for the application. I said this half-heartedly.

After last Sunday, I changed my mind. I now badly want to be accepted in that scholarship program. In fact, I’m trying my darndest to beat that deadline and hopefully just wait whether I’ll be accepted or not. My mind’s dazed now but I know I want to have more opportunities and in effect more money. It’s really depressing that money’s always the issue but that’s how I feel. I told you nothing’s left in my bank account and I don’t want this to happen again. It scares me. The uncertainty of what’s going to happen next scares me. And yet, I’m fully aware it’s the consequence of being a freelancer.

So in the meantime, I continue to work as measly-paid script continuity (doubling as AD since they’re still in negotiation with our supposed AD). I enjoy the work, yes, but if only the pay’s higher, man! I just console myself to the thought that one of the cast is my crush (whose name I won’t reveal since it’s enough that I’m “whoring” myself to you) and I’m experiencing some wonderful things for the first time (like shooting in a yacht.) Also, (this just came in) I said yes to my former boss Inang when she offered me to write again for soap after I finish with the movie. (I hope this offer will still stay by then). The thing is, I said yes even if I’m not really sure if this is really what I want or if I can survive another round of soap writing for that matter. I don’t know, I’m just grabbing all the opportunities that come my way. I don’t wanna experience again what I’m experiencing these days. You know, being desperate to earn money!

As you can read, I’m confused. Que sera, sera.

Some Kinda Funny

Sorry, it's been quite awhile since I last updated my blog. I've been quite hectic tho penniless these days. I had to rush some work for my DVD "raket" or else I'll be a beggar next week. I am not exaggerating. For the first time in three years, I withdrew all the money in my two ATM accounts and nothing's left in them. Nothing! Right now, all I could wish for is another soap writing offer. I'll just eat my pride for money. Hehehe :) But I don't wanna depress you (it's enough that I am).

So what am I going to tell you ba? Uhm, okay I'll just tell you about what happened last Thursday. As you know, I'm going back to school right? Last Thursday was the first day of my lone class for the semester. As always, I woke up late (what's new?) so I had to run (literally) to catch the Ikot jeepney. Good thing I live inside the campus and I study in UP where you can wear a pajama in school for all they care (not that I wore one). I was actually both nervous and excited. Nervous in a way that I'll be studying in a Film institute and I'm aware that the academe can be elitist sometimes. Excited also on the prospect of studying Film, something I'd like to think I'm passionate about. Anyway, to my relief, the class hasn't started yet when I arrived. I forgot the tradition that teachers always come late during first day of school. I looked around and found an empty seat and since I didn't know anybody, I just kept quiet and observed. My classmates surely looked young (17-18 years old is the average age) but I blended well. I donned my best 17 year old impersonation by wearing an AM Blvd shirt, my signature Chucks and my childlike attitude (Hahahaha! :) Feeling!). I'm an observant person so I noticed right away a group of giggling females who all decided they'll wear pink for the day (how juvenile!:). The leader of the clique was telling her friends about how she and her boyfriend couldn't relate with each other because the boyfriend apparently doesn't appreciate Britney Spears. Heh! (I relate with the boyfriend.) The other studes meanwhile have the filmmaker-wannabe 'tude. Geeky and snobbish.

Then Ma'am Gigi Alfonso arrived and we all kept quiet. I should have known my being almost late was a bad foreshadowing when Ma'am Gigi's first question to the class was "Has anyone of you seen My First Romance?" Oh. my. God! :) I tried to be nonchalant about it and was one of the three who raised hands. The others were giving the "Of course not!" facial expression. Ma'am Gigi then asked, "What can you say about the movie?" The other guy who saw it (a Statistics major) said something like it's kilig but it's like a very long commercial, and there were loopholes in the story. (He didn't use the word loophole, of course.) The other girl (member of the Pink clique) was bitchy. She said she really had no plans of watching the movie. She was just dragged by her cousin (yeah right!:) ) and she didn't like it, period. I have no idea why Ma'am Gigi didn't proceed to ask me coz she then told the class, "But it was Rated B so there must be something good with it. You know what Rated B means?" They didn't know. What can you expect? After Ma'am Gigi's explanation, the bitchy girl then added a good thing or two about the movie. I was really trying my darndest not to laugh. Then, Ma'am Gigi asked the whole class to intro ourselves. Man, I feel so old! Almost all of them are in their first year. When my turn came, I just said I'm a returning student. I thought I was free but Ma'am Gigi asked me what it means. So I had no choice but to say I'm a Masters student. (And I swear I heard one of the pink girls saying "Ah. Matanda na pala siya!") I just smiled thinking that if I had not said it, they wouldn't have noticed. My impression worked! :)

I thought that was already the end but Ma'am Gigi then told the class that since Film 100 is about film literacy, she would require us to watch many movies, even the Shoemart (read: mainstream) films. She then asked us to name the last Filipino movie we saw and what we can say about it. What the fuck! :) (Sorry for cursing, kids!) The class in general was bitchy about Pinoy movies. If I had taken this class 7 years earlier, I would have been one of the them but I know better now. One comment plainly disgusted me. A FILM MAJOR said that she has not seen ANY Filipino movies. I was ready to clap when Ma'am Gigi sarcastically asked her "And you call yourself a Film student?", but I controlled myself. Of course, the student didn't hint any sarcasm in Ma'am Gigi's voice.:)

Then my turn came. The class already knowing that I'm a Master's student focused their attention on me. With poise and calmness, I said, "The last Filipino movies I saw were Liberated and My First Romance. With My First Romance, I had no choice coz I co-wrote the movie..." INSERT PSYCHO THEME HERE. Silence. I tried so hard not to laugh but I couldn't. Nervous laughter followed. Ma'am Gigi laughed and said, "See! That's the reason why we should be careful about we say!" After I assured them that everything's okay, I continued with my comments on Liberated ("...inconsistent and uneven although there's an attempt to be artsy fartsy.") The Statistics guy blushingly apologized to me (even guiltily followed me after the class) although I told him that I agree with his comments. The Pink girl did not look at me in the eye for the rest of the class. LOL!:D

Ma'am Gigi proceeded to lecture us that just because most Filipino movies are mainstream fare it doesn't mean that we should not appreciate them. The masses obviously love these movies so there must be something in them that say something about ourselves and our culture. Besides, just because it's a Western film, it doesn't mean it's a good film. For every 10 art movies that they come up with, there are also 100 crap movies that come along. This holds true to any film industry in the world. I agree.

I had fun, by the way.

Old School

I am now officially enrolled. Masters in Media Studies, Major in Film. I will be a student again. The idea has excited me already.

I thought I wasn't going to make it. Ate Fortune of Film Institute had it mixed. When I called last week to inquire about the advising date, she told me to come today. Luckily, I got overexcited I went to Mass Comm last Tuesday and found out that same day was really the advising date. I panicked obviously. I had to go to Star Cinema first and asked Miss Elma (producer) what days will I be free for the movie project. She told me that the sked's not finalized yet so to be safe, I should only take morning classes on a Monday or Thursday. (Our main actor is not a morning person. He wants to shoot his scenes after lunch time only.) I thought it was good.

Imagine my dismay when I learned that all the master's subjects are only available in the afternoon or evening. My spirits were dampened. "I have to study no matter what!" Not giving up, I reviewed all the subjects I have to take for my first year (including the prerequisites since I'm not a Film major in my undergrad). I was euphoric when I found out there's one whose sked is every Thursday morning. The happiness quickly vanished when I discovered at the same time that all the slots for that section have been filled. "I need a miracle!" I needed an adviser.

Man, the line for advising was looong. It took me like 2 and a half hours before I could see Professor (or is it Doctor?) Joel David. I got to befriend a fellow Masters freshie in the process. Name's Vincent and he's cool enough to accompany and talk to me through those hours. I told Vincent about my dilemma. My only hope was for someone to cancel his or her slot in that section, and for Professor/Doctor David to allow me to take one subject only. I must have talked rather loudly for another Masters student overheard me. Wasn't able to catch her name but she assured me that I'll be allowed to take one subject only. She knows because that's what happened to her last semester, she added. A smile formed upon my face.

The smile turned wider when I got near the door. I couldn't resist asking the registration assistant Jamby (that's the name written on his big ID) if slots are still open for the particular subject and section I'm planning to take. Jamby gave the second good news of the day. "Yes" was his curt reply.

I finally got to see Professor/Doctor David and true enough, I was allowed to take one subject only. I was so happy. Never mind if Professor/Doctor David was kinda aloof. Being a film critic, he must have known I wrote a teenybopper. :) But he is god and he allowed me to take one subject so I still heart him. The fact that I might have quoted one of his books in my high school term paper and I was sitting beside him that moment was already happiness. :)

I went to Jamby right away and have myself enlisted. Looking at the list, I felt a litte bit old when I found out that I'm going to be classmates with 17 and 18 year olds. I made a mental note that I should continue dressing young so my future classmates won't notice. Now, I'm self-conscious.

On my way out, I saw the other god Ramon Bautista. I couldn't look at him straight in the eye coz he's friendsters with my friendster Alfred and there's a 1 percent chance that he might have read this entry. Now, I'm overacting.

Having my fees assessed in the main lobby, I couldn't help but noticed some "conyo" kids hanging around or chilling out, whatever their term is. I immediately pictured them as members of the elitist Broad Ass. To my surprise, some faces became familiar upon further observation. They're not Assers, they're Guilders! Members of UP Broadcasters' Guild! The org I co-founded back in college. I've seen their pics in The Whirl's (later members coined this as an alter-name) profile in Friendster. Our org's now a breeding ground for "conyo" kids. LOL! :D But I have no problems with it. I don't discriminate. I mean that's one of the reasons why we formed the org - not to discriminate! I know it's definitely rare for me to be friends with their kind but what matters to me is that they continue doing good with the org. Personally, I hope they will initiate some projects that involves activism rather than the usual social events.

The final stop is the Engineering Main Lobby where I paid my tuition fees. The registration assistant was "mataray" but I didn't care. Coz when he stamped "enrolled" my Form 5, I was already in Cloud 9.

It's really funny how going back to school can be a big adventure to one. Or maybe not. :)

Master Disaster

I think I just blew up my application for a Masters Degree in Media Studies (Film). I totally performed horrendously in the essay writing, more so during the interview process.

The essay writing started at 9am sharp. I entered the room still "wasted" since we packed up from shooting past midnight already. It didn't help that I'm not really what you call a morning person. Looking at my co-applicants, I began feeling left-out. From their appearance alone, you know these people are of the "artistic" kind. I know Melanie Marquez said not to judge a person because he is not a book but I couldn't help thinking that I look so freakin' normal!!! I don't look like a filmmaker wannabe!!! It didn't help that I saw Ramon Bautista among the applicants. Man, he is the god of UNTV! Am I worthy to be sitting beside him? And do I not sound shallow already?

Then the essay writing questions came out. "What research topic are you interested in?" "How do you plan to attain the answers to your query?" "Elaborate on your study plan." (Yadda yadda yadda!) Whoa! I kept thinking, isn't it enough that I just wanted to study again? Do I really have to answer all those stuff, like, that very moment?

I may sound like a whiner here and yes I'm one, but what if I'm still in the process of finding the answers myself? What if, maybe, that's the reason why I want to take up a masters degree? To know what I really like, er, want!

In the end, I chose to answer the political economy of local mainstream moviemaking today and its effects on the aesthetics of the produced film as a potential research topic. I like to believe the topic's "astig" but I am also fully aware that I wasn't able to elaborate on it well. This came obvious during the interview process when panelist Joel David (another god!) kept on correcting my stammering thoughts.

The results will be known on Friday at the earliest. Let's see if it will turn out to be a freaky one.