I think I started the new year on the right note. Natakot nga akong baka hindi because just mere moments before 2007, there was some pretty heated exchange of emails that happened. But all's well that ends well and I would like to believe everything is back to normal between the two of us - being friends that is. That's the most I could ask for and I am very happy. To tell you the truth, I was rejected anew but ironically, instead of being sad, it actually made me feel happy and free. Na-realized ko na baka yun lang ang hinihintay ko, na i-acknowledge niya ang feelings ko; not reciprocate, but acknowledge lang. I also realized na baka nga nagka-relapse lang ako. I've been so busy with work for PDA for the past 4 months na nung bigla akong nagkaroon ng free time at walang trabahong iniisip, parang nabuksan ang aking vulnerability and insecurity as a person. That's the thing that I actually don't like with my PBB/PDA stints. By the time the season's over, para rin kayong housemates o scholars na kailangang mag-adjust na naman muli sa outside world. I don't think I'm exaggerating on this.
I do would like to thank my friends who've read the previous entries and gave me some comforting words. I'm just sorry I cannot divulge the real story because I'm protecting the persons involved. I hope you all understand. Pasensya na talaga kung nagsi-share kayo ng love stories nyo pero hindi ko magawang mag-share ng sa akin. Basta wag kayong mag-alala, like I told you before, whenever the time comes na magkaka lovelife na ako, sasabihin ko sa inyo. Hindi ko 'yun itatago.
I received so many "move on" advices actually but one pretty interesting advice I got was from my friend RT. RT told me you can't do anything but just to love unconditionally. Tuloy napaisip ako. Kaya ko bang magbigay ng unconditional love sa taong mahal ko? Kayo, kaya nyo ba? I've thought about it and personally, I feel na kaya ko. But then again, I replied to RT, while my heart's feeling "it", my mind's telling me that there's a thin line between unconditional love and martyrdom. :) Do I make sense? I need your thoughts on this. Sabi ko pa sa kanya, kaya ko pa ngang alagaan at i-aruga ang taong 'yun eh pero does that make me a DOM at a young age? LOL! :)
My friend Nethrow on the other hand told me na iiyak ko lang daw ng iiyak dahil darating din ang time na magsasawa na ako sa kaiiyak and mari-realize ko na lang na shet, bakit ba ako umiiyak. That's what I would love to do actually. Gusto kong umiyak. 'Yung pamatay na free flowing tears. Mabigat yun pero masarap ang feeling afterwards. Problema ko lang, wala akong pwedeng maiyakan dito sa province. I feel so alone here because I have no one to turn to for my problems. Kailangan ko lang talaga ng mahingahan ng lahat, tapos iiyak ako ng todo todo, then bibigyan ako ng taong hiningahan ko ng matinding comforting hug. Awwww...
Before nangyari itong matinding relapse na 'to, I was planning to take a long break dito sa province. Pero ngayon parang gusto ko nang bumalik sa Maynila para magpa-kabusy ulit sa trabaho. I need the diversion. Naisip ko nga na going to Dakak alone might be a bad idea already. Kasi anong gagawin ko dun, mag-eemote nang mag-isa?! Ampanget! :D Besides, it's always raining here. Kagagaling ko lang sa gimik ngayon with childhood friends pero ang lakas ng ulan. Honestly, lahat ng mga naging lakad ko dito, palagi kaming inuulan. Sign ba yun? :)
Nagi-guilty ako sa parents ko when I told them that I might fly back na to Manila next week. They're expecting me to stay longer. Mahirap kasi hindi ko masabi sa kanila na I need to fly back already for my own sake. You might wanna say, why don't you communicate with your parents about this? Thing is, we are not that kind of family lang talaga. We love each other in silence. :)
Andami kong balak actually na gawin pagdating sa Maynila. Aside from attending reunion get-togethers with college friends and co-internet gamers, I will also hunt na for a new apartment. I also plan to get back to the gym and this time, be disciplined about it already. (Suggest to me a good gym within QC, by the way! :D) Gigimik rin daw ako with Marcus (workmate), tapos with Roy (college blockmate), tapos with Andrew (kababayan). Ewan ko lang kung saan ako dadalhin ng mga gimikerong 'yun. Hehe. Mas masaya, I think I'm going to help Michiko and Jade with the pre-production of their new indie "ENDO" for Cinemalaya 2007. Magiging talent scout daw ako. Hahahaha. Di ko alam kung tuloy pero I think that's fun.
Pero ang pinakana-excite ako, if things will push through, I will try this talent manager thingy. Katuwaan lang siya nung una. Alvin, who I used to work with in My First Romance as John Lloyd's soccer coach, YM-ed me saying he's off for a sem in Ateneo and wanted to try out showbiz. Kung pwede ko raw siyang i-manage. Natawa talaga ako dun pero since I thought it was a joke, I casually replied na "oo ba!". Aba, New Year's Eve na New Year's Eve, biglang tumawag talaga sa cellphone dahil seryoso na pala siya. Hindi ko alam kung anong pumasok sa kukote ko, maybe it's the fact na nag-enjoy ako sa pagiging SE Manager nina Nyora, Davey at Yvan sa PDA, pero bigla kong naisip, why not! Hahaha. Kaya ngayon, I'm reestablishing contacts na sa TV and movies. Mahirap din kasi 2 years na akong hindi nag-production work at bago na ang mga tao ngayon. Nakakatawa lang kasi to tell you honestly, wala talaga akong alam how this talent manager thingy works so hihingi pa ako ng advice kay Direk Jillmer pagbalik ko ng Maynila. Naging talent manager kasi siya before. Isa pang nakakatawa, I haven't seen Alvin since My First Romance. I don't know how he looks like now and more funny, I don't even know his acting capability. Sabi naman niya, kung pwedeng commercial modelling or sa indie films muna siya. Ako kasi, as manager, iniisip ko sanang mag reality show na lang siya kasi 'yun ang magbibigay ng instant fame eh pero I have to respect my talent, you know. Hahahaha! Problema ko ngayon, virgin ako sa mga ad agencies kaya nagsi-search na ako ng mga contacts dun. Wala naman akong problema sa portfolio niya kasi rich kid eh, siya na raw ang bahala sa mga pictures niya. Hahaha! Eh di ayus! Kasi di ba, usually mga talent managers ang gumagastos for their talents? Mukhang other way around sa mokong na 'to. Trip trip lang kasi niya 'to habang naghihintay siya for his studies next sem. Astig na trip noh? Sana ganun rin ako. Kung trip kong gawin ang isang bagay, go agad! :)
Natatawa lang talaga ako kasi di ko pa alam kung anong magiging kalalabasan nito. The thing is I don't think rin naman na gagawin ko itong career, trip trip lang din tulad niya. (Onga noh, parang ganun na rin pala ako nung umoo as talent manager niya, trip lang kaya go! ) Basta, at least masasabi ko na for 2007, I did something for the first time. ;)
Showing posts with label Plans. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Plans. Show all posts
January 03, 2007
June 14, 2006
To Be Or Not To Be
It seems I will not be able to buy a second-hand car. My money just ain't enough. Well, it's actually enough for me to buy a decent second-hand car but I don't want to take the risk. I don't want to experience penniless 2003 ever again. That was really the pit. I also observe how depressed my jobless housemate has been for weeks and no offense meant but she has become my living example of why I should save for the rainy day.
I see uncertainty in the future, that's why. Well, I suppose I'm still part of the new reality show in August even if there was no clear offer since I was asked to attend the initial meeting. My former boss also called me this afternoon to offer me a soap-writing job and re-editing work for our former soap. So if I really look at it, future's not that gloomy. I can take the risk and buy that friggin second-hand car which was one of the main motivations why I stayed with the former reality show for two consecutive editions anyway. Still, at the back of my mind (or inside my heart, heh!) there's that feeling telling me to follow what I really want to do. The problem is what do I really want? I've witnessed enough to realize the unfair system and whatever fantasies or dreams I have in mind, I know it's not possible to achieve.
Let me enumerate what I really want to do.
1.) I want to be in a reality show ala Survivor or a more political Big Brother. Main reason of joining: to play the game, no more no less. The more practical reason would be for easy money and to milk whatever 15 minutes of fame I'll hopefully get to promote media literacy.
Reality check - Imposible! Foremost, the PBB staff knows me personally that there would be bias for or against me if I decide to audition. Secondly, there's no Survivor franchise being bought and even if there is a local version, I don't think it would be very easy for me to get in. I'm fully aware I don't have a TV-friendly face.
2.) I want to study filmmaking abroad.
Reality check - I actually asked my friend Guia how much she saved for LA film school and I actually can afford it now! Then again, it's too risky on my part because it would mean spending all my savings. I work to survive. I don't have rich parents to finance my miscellaneous fees abroad or to help me pay my bills when I get back after. My only option is for somebody to offer me a scholarship. Now, if that happens, that would be the bomb!
3) I want to direct my own film/s.
Reality check - If you follow the bureaucracy of mainstream cinema, unless you're a Quark Henares, you have to work your way up to become a director. That means, you first have to become a PA, then become a script continuity, then become an assistant director, then direct for TV, then after more than a decade of doing so, they will finally entrust you to direct for cinema. Come to think of it, I was already an assistant director in 2004 and had I stayed being an AD, who knows what I might have achieved at present. The problem though is that I don't believe in the system. I don't think being an assistant director is the proper way to train future directors. I learned nothing about film language while being an AD. All I learned was the logistics and how to compromise to appease your superiors (director, producer and stars). There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but I believe film directing is more than that. I also realize that even if I become a mainstream film director through that system, the movies the studios make are not the movies I want to do anyway. So there's no drive, then. Lest people assume I'm against mainstream cinema, let me just say that I do understand that producers are being safe nowadays because of Philippine Cinema's poor state.
The only way for me to be able to direct my own film is through Cinemalaya. But then, if you read the scripts that I wrote, I don't think they're Cinemalaya material. I write scripts in casual taglish and don't follow any format. Heh.
So those are some of the reasons why I don't want to take the risk. So what do I do now? What path do I take? How do I regain my passion? How do I stop being jaded?
Tomorrow, I plan to talk to my current boss and hopefully articulate what I really feel. I hope he can give me a sound advice because honestly, I'm lost and confused. I'm just not feeling it now because I have moolah (true!) but I know, I know the feelings have always been there.
I see uncertainty in the future, that's why. Well, I suppose I'm still part of the new reality show in August even if there was no clear offer since I was asked to attend the initial meeting. My former boss also called me this afternoon to offer me a soap-writing job and re-editing work for our former soap. So if I really look at it, future's not that gloomy. I can take the risk and buy that friggin second-hand car which was one of the main motivations why I stayed with the former reality show for two consecutive editions anyway. Still, at the back of my mind (or inside my heart, heh!) there's that feeling telling me to follow what I really want to do. The problem is what do I really want? I've witnessed enough to realize the unfair system and whatever fantasies or dreams I have in mind, I know it's not possible to achieve.
Let me enumerate what I really want to do.
1.) I want to be in a reality show ala Survivor or a more political Big Brother. Main reason of joining: to play the game, no more no less. The more practical reason would be for easy money and to milk whatever 15 minutes of fame I'll hopefully get to promote media literacy.
Reality check - Imposible! Foremost, the PBB staff knows me personally that there would be bias for or against me if I decide to audition. Secondly, there's no Survivor franchise being bought and even if there is a local version, I don't think it would be very easy for me to get in. I'm fully aware I don't have a TV-friendly face.
2.) I want to study filmmaking abroad.
Reality check - I actually asked my friend Guia how much she saved for LA film school and I actually can afford it now! Then again, it's too risky on my part because it would mean spending all my savings. I work to survive. I don't have rich parents to finance my miscellaneous fees abroad or to help me pay my bills when I get back after. My only option is for somebody to offer me a scholarship. Now, if that happens, that would be the bomb!
3) I want to direct my own film/s.
Reality check - If you follow the bureaucracy of mainstream cinema, unless you're a Quark Henares, you have to work your way up to become a director. That means, you first have to become a PA, then become a script continuity, then become an assistant director, then direct for TV, then after more than a decade of doing so, they will finally entrust you to direct for cinema. Come to think of it, I was already an assistant director in 2004 and had I stayed being an AD, who knows what I might have achieved at present. The problem though is that I don't believe in the system. I don't think being an assistant director is the proper way to train future directors. I learned nothing about film language while being an AD. All I learned was the logistics and how to compromise to appease your superiors (director, producer and stars). There's nothing wrong with that, of course, but I believe film directing is more than that. I also realize that even if I become a mainstream film director through that system, the movies the studios make are not the movies I want to do anyway. So there's no drive, then. Lest people assume I'm against mainstream cinema, let me just say that I do understand that producers are being safe nowadays because of Philippine Cinema's poor state.
The only way for me to be able to direct my own film is through Cinemalaya. But then, if you read the scripts that I wrote, I don't think they're Cinemalaya material. I write scripts in casual taglish and don't follow any format. Heh.
So those are some of the reasons why I don't want to take the risk. So what do I do now? What path do I take? How do I regain my passion? How do I stop being jaded?
Tomorrow, I plan to talk to my current boss and hopefully articulate what I really feel. I hope he can give me a sound advice because honestly, I'm lost and confused. I'm just not feeling it now because I have moolah (true!) but I know, I know the feelings have always been there.
January 02, 2005
New Day
I'm sitting in the local airport waiting for my plane to arrive so I figured I’d just write a blog entry to kill time. Grabe, the vacation was really fun. It was a needed break after one year of non-stop working. Not that I was completely rested during the whole break. I had to finish a script the first few days of my vacation. Sucker, I know, but I couldn't ask for anything more. I miss my family so badly and I miss the laid-back lifestyle of my small hometown so being back home was more than enough.
Sidetrack chika: I got here the eve before Christmas and saw Nancy Castiliogne on the same plane with me. I wasn't really surprised that she'll hide away in my hometown for the vacation. After all, we're home to one of the country's best resorts. My prying eyes couldn't help but noticed who's she with though. Haha, stop me! She was cuddling with a certain guy who I thought was just her PA at first. My bad! You get the picture?! :D It's just that after Lucky Manzano and Paolo Contis... my eyes couldn't believe what I saw. Nancy just gave us, average-looking folks, HOPE to find a prized catch. Hahahahaha :D I am sooo superficial. Later I found out that she's actually dating the OWNER of the famous beach resort who's also the son of an 80's singer and an infamous congressman. Hope went pfft.
Back to my vacation entry (heh!), surely, the break was short but I did learn a lot while I was here. It made my eyes open again to some life facts that I shouldn't forget. First, it made me aware again of my roots and being aware of where I came from makes me more humble and more accepting of the fact that I came from a poor background and no matter what I achieved or who I'm friends with now, that fact wouldn't ever changed. (Don't ever be delusional, Teddy boy!) It also made me realize that God has really blessed me much and I should stop complaining if ever I couldn't have some petty material stuff. Coming home also made me aware of the poverty and illiteracy that have always existed in my hometown and had me hoping that I could also be of help to alleviate these problems. Not by looking down of course (as most always do) but by understanding and really caring for these peeps. The face of poverty couldn't any be any more specific than my 10-year old Muslim cousin (well, he's Catholic now) who has to stay with my family after his father (my uncle) died 2 years ago. My cousin's mother had to give my cousin and his siblings to different relatives for them to survive and I just felt the impact of how difficult it was for my cousin when he suddenly cried the eve of New Year. It's been two years since he last saw his family and I really felt sorry for him.
Okay, I'm going to segue to another topic (writer, my ass! :D) by looking back at my New Year's resolution last year. I think I've achieved most of them so I don't think there's any harm in making another list of resolution for 2005.
1. SAVE MONEY. Okay, I wasn't able to do this for the first six months. After all, what is to save when my income in mainstream moviemaking wasn't even enough to pay for my bills? But I did save some during the last half of the year. Just enough to buy myself the notebook I'm using now and for me to move to a more comfy abode with my friends. Still, I will continue to make this a resolution for 2005 especially now that my TV show might be ending soon ("might" is the operative word since last I heard, we're extended one season more). Showbiz is also unstable. Heh!
2. JOG REGULARLY. Ugh. It was only during the last month that I was able to jog on a regular basis. It's all about the shoes! My old running shoes got torn and I didn't have money to buy a new one. And when I already had the money, I didn't have time naman. But I promise, I will jog regularly this time. I'm envious of my friend Marlon who's so fit right now just by jogging in the UP Oval daily. I still want a good bod. (I actually thought of going to the gym but it's just too expensive for me and I'm scared of those gym "sex" stories. Hahaha!:D)
3. STOP SMOKING. Hey, resolution achieved! Didn't puff a stick last year. Although I still want to experience "juts", I will continue my non-smoking habit. (Okay, okay, I was able to smoke pero this year na, 2005, during my rowdy yet hellava fun reunion with my elementary schoolmates! :D)
4. DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL. Resolution achieved too! :) I really don't like alcohol so this one's easy for me. Besides, I'm also not the barhopping kind, so... (Okay, okay, I drank one beer during Star Cinema's Christmas Party but only because I got thirsty from dancing and I already used my H20 stub. I also drank too much, I believe, during the same elementary reunion, but again, that was already in 2005. I am so petty, noh?! :D )
5. READ MORE. Boo me. Since I haven't got much time to read books, I ended up giving those 99-peso books I bought in National as Christmas gifts to my friends. Hahaha :D But this will continue to be a new year's resolution. This will also help me improve my limited English vocabulary and elementary grammar skills.
6. STOP THAT INSECURITY CRAP! I AM insecurity crap! This will not be a new year's resolution anymore.
Additional resolution for 2005...
7. GET A LOVELIFE. Hahahahaha! I hope to prioritize this over work this year. For chrissake, I'm already 25. I should be in a relationship already! (Okay, this is embracing the norm but... hahahaha :D I'm embarassing!)
8. BE MORE SPIRITUAL. I want to be closer with my personal savior Jesus Christ. I'm serious!:)
9. Finally, DO SOMETHING FOR THE COMMUNITY. I still don't know what, I still don't know how but I really wanna be of help. I don't know. Basta, I want to make a difference! Vote for me in the Bayaning Pilipino Awards 2006, joke! :D
Whew! The plane is about to leave. I'm nervous.
Sidetrack chika: I got here the eve before Christmas and saw Nancy Castiliogne on the same plane with me. I wasn't really surprised that she'll hide away in my hometown for the vacation. After all, we're home to one of the country's best resorts. My prying eyes couldn't help but noticed who's she with though. Haha, stop me! She was cuddling with a certain guy who I thought was just her PA at first. My bad! You get the picture?! :D It's just that after Lucky Manzano and Paolo Contis... my eyes couldn't believe what I saw. Nancy just gave us, average-looking folks, HOPE to find a prized catch. Hahahahaha :D I am sooo superficial. Later I found out that she's actually dating the OWNER of the famous beach resort who's also the son of an 80's singer and an infamous congressman. Hope went pfft.
Back to my vacation entry (heh!), surely, the break was short but I did learn a lot while I was here. It made my eyes open again to some life facts that I shouldn't forget. First, it made me aware again of my roots and being aware of where I came from makes me more humble and more accepting of the fact that I came from a poor background and no matter what I achieved or who I'm friends with now, that fact wouldn't ever changed. (Don't ever be delusional, Teddy boy!) It also made me realize that God has really blessed me much and I should stop complaining if ever I couldn't have some petty material stuff. Coming home also made me aware of the poverty and illiteracy that have always existed in my hometown and had me hoping that I could also be of help to alleviate these problems. Not by looking down of course (as most always do) but by understanding and really caring for these peeps. The face of poverty couldn't any be any more specific than my 10-year old Muslim cousin (well, he's Catholic now) who has to stay with my family after his father (my uncle) died 2 years ago. My cousin's mother had to give my cousin and his siblings to different relatives for them to survive and I just felt the impact of how difficult it was for my cousin when he suddenly cried the eve of New Year. It's been two years since he last saw his family and I really felt sorry for him.
Okay, I'm going to segue to another topic (writer, my ass! :D) by looking back at my New Year's resolution last year. I think I've achieved most of them so I don't think there's any harm in making another list of resolution for 2005.
1. SAVE MONEY. Okay, I wasn't able to do this for the first six months. After all, what is to save when my income in mainstream moviemaking wasn't even enough to pay for my bills? But I did save some during the last half of the year. Just enough to buy myself the notebook I'm using now and for me to move to a more comfy abode with my friends. Still, I will continue to make this a resolution for 2005 especially now that my TV show might be ending soon ("might" is the operative word since last I heard, we're extended one season more). Showbiz is also unstable. Heh!
2. JOG REGULARLY. Ugh. It was only during the last month that I was able to jog on a regular basis. It's all about the shoes! My old running shoes got torn and I didn't have money to buy a new one. And when I already had the money, I didn't have time naman. But I promise, I will jog regularly this time. I'm envious of my friend Marlon who's so fit right now just by jogging in the UP Oval daily. I still want a good bod. (I actually thought of going to the gym but it's just too expensive for me and I'm scared of those gym "sex" stories. Hahaha!:D)
3. STOP SMOKING. Hey, resolution achieved! Didn't puff a stick last year. Although I still want to experience "juts", I will continue my non-smoking habit. (Okay, okay, I was able to smoke pero this year na, 2005, during my rowdy yet hellava fun reunion with my elementary schoolmates! :D)
4. DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL. Resolution achieved too! :) I really don't like alcohol so this one's easy for me. Besides, I'm also not the barhopping kind, so... (Okay, okay, I drank one beer during Star Cinema's Christmas Party but only because I got thirsty from dancing and I already used my H20 stub. I also drank too much, I believe, during the same elementary reunion, but again, that was already in 2005. I am so petty, noh?! :D )
5. READ MORE. Boo me. Since I haven't got much time to read books, I ended up giving those 99-peso books I bought in National as Christmas gifts to my friends. Hahaha :D But this will continue to be a new year's resolution. This will also help me improve my limited English vocabulary and elementary grammar skills.
6. STOP THAT INSECURITY CRAP! I AM insecurity crap! This will not be a new year's resolution anymore.
Additional resolution for 2005...
7. GET A LOVELIFE. Hahahahaha! I hope to prioritize this over work this year. For chrissake, I'm already 25. I should be in a relationship already! (Okay, this is embracing the norm but... hahahaha :D I'm embarassing!)
8. BE MORE SPIRITUAL. I want to be closer with my personal savior Jesus Christ. I'm serious!:)
9. Finally, DO SOMETHING FOR THE COMMUNITY. I still don't know what, I still don't know how but I really wanna be of help. I don't know. Basta, I want to make a difference! Vote for me in the Bayaning Pilipino Awards 2006, joke! :D
Whew! The plane is about to leave. I'm nervous.
January 02, 2004
Starting Over
What a cliche! New Year. Starting over. Heh. :)
Well, the holidays are almost over. I will be going back to Manila soon. Back to the real world. Or at least, my version of the real world. I am in the provincial capital right now. (The net cafes here are slightly better - slow, but better.) My Nanay, sistah and I are supposed to buy tickets for fastcraft to another island (where my Sis is studying and where I'm going to take my plane that will fly me back to Manila) but the ticketing office is closed. They said it's a holiday. Holiday whatever, but don't they realize that students from Mindanao are going back to their Visayas' universities soon? Gad! I could just fly straight from our airport here you know. It's just that financial reasons tell me that I should save money and fly a Cebu Pacific or Air Philippines rather than a PAL. Pity me! Ah! The harsh realities are indeed back. :)
The past week has been a topsy-turvy one. The get-together with my elementary classmates was a blast. Compared to last year's relatively well-planned reunion, only a few came this year. But that didn't prevent us from eating, drinking and merrymaking. Man, I'm not an alcoholic but I think I drank more than my share that day. We had fun reminiscing all those embarrasing childhood incidents while drinking booze and puffing Marlboro sticks (which later became Winston when we couldn't afford to buy a Marlboro any longer). It's so unhealthy I know but it just happens once a year so it's okay, I guess. We started at 11 in the morning and ended around midnight. (Last year, we ended at 5 in the morning, tho we started late). We didn't swim.
December 29 was my Tatay's birthday. The office he's working for gave him a party since he's going to retire this month. I don't know. He must have been touched that much or depressed or mixed because he came home sick. Up to now, he still has fever. If you're in you're 20's and you have fever, you may not mind it that much, but's he's already in his 60's, so I guess I should be more concerned. I am concerned. I hope he gets well soon. (I think he's getting better.) The retirement thingy also got me into thinking that it means I'm going to do good already with my job and everything. I've been a slacker (an employed slacker, mind you) since graduation because I know my parents are still working and there are only 2 of us, siblings. That lame excuse has to be erased NOW. 2004 is going to be tough.
Then yesterday, while texting my friends happy new year, I got horrified with direk's reply. (This is my exag state). He said that the movie script has been turned over to us. I am in panic mode. Is this "Till There Was You" deja vu? I hope not. While I'm proud of the additional script writing I did for that movie, it was hell writing it. Working as assistant director (trainee then) and writing at the same time was just traumatic. I'd arrive on the set and Direk Joyce would tell me, "Ted ang pangit ng script mo, revise mo!" and I'd do the revision on the spot while the others were waiting for me to finish. Ugh! :) I perfectly understand the situation though since a film should always be the filmmaker's vision. Besides, didn't I explain enough here how mainstream writing works and that quality is subjective? Shit! What will I do? Actually, I can't do anything since I need the money. :)
I'm supposed to write my New Year's resolutions next (my first time to do such) but I was taken aback by Carla_Fan's philosophical comments (read previous entry's comments) about New Year. I think she's right. I agree with her. Nevertheless... :)
In random order...
1. SAVE MONEY. Remember that, freak? Your Tatay's retiring! Your sister's in sophomore college! And you're still not saving money! Save money this year. Stop buying on impulse. Choose wisely the movies to watch. Eat cheap but nutritious food. Stop the chocolate craving.
2. JOG REGULARLY. You can't afford to go to the gym. You're tummy's big. You don't even eat vegetables. Your best option is to frequent those jogs in UP. You live in UP, you can easily do this! And stop making excuses about not having comfy jog outfit or shoes anymore. If you do resolution #1, you can easily buy comfy ones in a month or so.
3. STOP SMOKING. I know you only smoke when you're depressed or stressed but quit the habit! Even if it looks cool! You're not in your teens anymore. Your friends will still be your friends even if you don't smoke.
4. DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL. Same as #3, your friends will still be your friends even if you don't drink. Gad, you're nearing mid-20's already! And I've got one word for you, freak! CANCER.
5. READ MORE. I know TV's taking up your precious free time but why not, instead of watching those cheezy and manipulative Star in a Million or StarStruck, read a good book instead? You did fine this year, having read five and immediately naming them your favorites in your Friendster profile since they're the only books you've read anyway, but I know you can do better this year!
6. STOP THAT INSECURITY CRAP! I know this is the hardest one for you but not all people are beautiful! Not all of us are geniuses! There will always be the mediocre, untalented, and ugly ones like you. Accept that pathetic fact.
I promise to give my favorites ten's next time. :)
Well, the holidays are almost over. I will be going back to Manila soon. Back to the real world. Or at least, my version of the real world. I am in the provincial capital right now. (The net cafes here are slightly better - slow, but better.) My Nanay, sistah and I are supposed to buy tickets for fastcraft to another island (where my Sis is studying and where I'm going to take my plane that will fly me back to Manila) but the ticketing office is closed. They said it's a holiday. Holiday whatever, but don't they realize that students from Mindanao are going back to their Visayas' universities soon? Gad! I could just fly straight from our airport here you know. It's just that financial reasons tell me that I should save money and fly a Cebu Pacific or Air Philippines rather than a PAL. Pity me! Ah! The harsh realities are indeed back. :)
The past week has been a topsy-turvy one. The get-together with my elementary classmates was a blast. Compared to last year's relatively well-planned reunion, only a few came this year. But that didn't prevent us from eating, drinking and merrymaking. Man, I'm not an alcoholic but I think I drank more than my share that day. We had fun reminiscing all those embarrasing childhood incidents while drinking booze and puffing Marlboro sticks (which later became Winston when we couldn't afford to buy a Marlboro any longer). It's so unhealthy I know but it just happens once a year so it's okay, I guess. We started at 11 in the morning and ended around midnight. (Last year, we ended at 5 in the morning, tho we started late). We didn't swim.
December 29 was my Tatay's birthday. The office he's working for gave him a party since he's going to retire this month. I don't know. He must have been touched that much or depressed or mixed because he came home sick. Up to now, he still has fever. If you're in you're 20's and you have fever, you may not mind it that much, but's he's already in his 60's, so I guess I should be more concerned. I am concerned. I hope he gets well soon. (I think he's getting better.) The retirement thingy also got me into thinking that it means I'm going to do good already with my job and everything. I've been a slacker (an employed slacker, mind you) since graduation because I know my parents are still working and there are only 2 of us, siblings. That lame excuse has to be erased NOW. 2004 is going to be tough.
Then yesterday, while texting my friends happy new year, I got horrified with direk's reply. (This is my exag state). He said that the movie script has been turned over to us. I am in panic mode. Is this "Till There Was You" deja vu? I hope not. While I'm proud of the additional script writing I did for that movie, it was hell writing it. Working as assistant director (trainee then) and writing at the same time was just traumatic. I'd arrive on the set and Direk Joyce would tell me, "Ted ang pangit ng script mo, revise mo!" and I'd do the revision on the spot while the others were waiting for me to finish. Ugh! :) I perfectly understand the situation though since a film should always be the filmmaker's vision. Besides, didn't I explain enough here how mainstream writing works and that quality is subjective? Shit! What will I do? Actually, I can't do anything since I need the money. :)
I'm supposed to write my New Year's resolutions next (my first time to do such) but I was taken aback by Carla_Fan's philosophical comments (read previous entry's comments) about New Year. I think she's right. I agree with her. Nevertheless... :)
In random order...
1. SAVE MONEY. Remember that, freak? Your Tatay's retiring! Your sister's in sophomore college! And you're still not saving money! Save money this year. Stop buying on impulse. Choose wisely the movies to watch. Eat cheap but nutritious food. Stop the chocolate craving.
2. JOG REGULARLY. You can't afford to go to the gym. You're tummy's big. You don't even eat vegetables. Your best option is to frequent those jogs in UP. You live in UP, you can easily do this! And stop making excuses about not having comfy jog outfit or shoes anymore. If you do resolution #1, you can easily buy comfy ones in a month or so.
3. STOP SMOKING. I know you only smoke when you're depressed or stressed but quit the habit! Even if it looks cool! You're not in your teens anymore. Your friends will still be your friends even if you don't smoke.
4. DON'T DRINK ALCOHOL. Same as #3, your friends will still be your friends even if you don't drink. Gad, you're nearing mid-20's already! And I've got one word for you, freak! CANCER.
5. READ MORE. I know TV's taking up your precious free time but why not, instead of watching those cheezy and manipulative Star in a Million or StarStruck, read a good book instead? You did fine this year, having read five and immediately naming them your favorites in your Friendster profile since they're the only books you've read anyway, but I know you can do better this year!
6. STOP THAT INSECURITY CRAP! I know this is the hardest one for you but not all people are beautiful! Not all of us are geniuses! There will always be the mediocre, untalented, and ugly ones like you. Accept that pathetic fact.
I promise to give my favorites ten's next time. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)