Blogging On

Damn these PCs here. (Read my previous entry to know where I am). They're too freakin' slow and full of virus! They won't follow the Sign Out instruction nor open my Friendster page correctly. To those who sent me a message and asked me to be their Friendster, I'll get back to you later. Goodness, there are only 4 days to go till the new year and I'm still grumpy. I'm sorry. :)

I really really hope the coming year will be a good one for me. 2003 which is supposedly my year since I was born in the year of the goat (or sheep, depending on which animal you wanna be associated with) just plainly sucks! Lots of career downs and very few career ups! No money! No lovelife! LOL! :D I guess I'm excused to be this whiny so I can finally get this out of my system before January 1. Heh. :) I promise I'll be cheerful by then (or at least try!).

I will come up with my list of 2003 Top 10s in Pop Culture (music, movies, music videos) in the coming days. I don't really have the authority to say what's best or not but who cares! I'm a narcissist, remember, so I just wanna share my favorites to everyone no matter how unpopular they are. Expect everything to be subjective in that Top 10 list. ;)

I've been watching a lot of good videos lately. Election is indeed worthy of its critical acclaim. It's the perfect example of a teen movie that actually has depth. I also got to rediscover Amores Perros. I didn't like it when I first saw it during Cinemanila 2002 but I guess I expected too much then. Besides, my movie partner that time kept on interrupting me (wink, wink! ;) ). Movie watching is just sacred for me and I just hate it when someone's cellphone's turned "on" or someone rudely takes calls during screentime. Ugh! Next on my list of videos to watch are Igby Goes Down and the animation (or is it?) Waking Life. I hope they're as good as those former two.

Tomorrow, my elementary classmates and I are going to have a get-together at the beach. It's been a long time since I saw them (or went to a beach for that matter) so I hope it'll turn all good. I only kept in touch with a few of them and we don't share the same wavelength already (I mean, you don't really share that much angst and passion in life when you're still in elementary, do you?) but I am sincerely excited to see them again. I guess there's a part of me that's clinging on to those innocent past; when life was still simple and the only thing you cared about's winning the games you play.

This is also the same feeling I felt last 24th during our neighborhood Christmas party. Seeing the genuine happiness in everyone's faces was just an "awwwww" moment. :)

Okay, I don't know what to write already. Besides, I can't concentrate anymore with the noise going on here (some F4 song's loudly played in the background, apart from the rowdy teen customers). So I'll stop now. Happy New Year na lang everyone! To qoute the Eraserheads, rise and shine this New Year and beyond! :)

No Worries

I'm in my sleepy hometown down south right now for the holidays. Per tradition, I'm going to spend them with my family. And since our hometown only has one internet cafe, I guess I'll apologize in advance by saying that I may not be able to update my blog as often as before. But it's all cool, though. I may not that have many friends here (I studied high school in another island) but I AM with my family. I only get to see them once or twice a year so staying home for the next two weeks is more than fine. I definitely miss the comforts of home (remember, I left them when I was 12?) so I appreciate all the time that I spend with them.

Actually, I feel weird these past few days because there seems be no worries about living life like I usually do in the metro. Here, I just sleep, eat, wash the dishes, watch TV, listen to my CD collection, read books/mags, eat, and then sleep again. I don't have to worry about getting late for work nor trying to make a living just to be able to eat. Life here's basically stress-free, it’s weird! The only thing that worries me is thinking of the worries that I'm going to worry about once I get back in the city. :) This is new to me. I guess I just have to live with it. Haha.:)

I'm really blessed, I guess. I got this text message sent to me by my former boss during my birthday that's so apt about blessings. He said, "May you enjoy the many blessings we already all have, but are blinded by the illusion of our self-notion of 'smallness'". How so true! I really give it to Sir Ward for giving me all these quotable quotes! :)

Speaking of my birthday, a friend pointed out that I actually celebrated it all around the Philippines. LOL! :) See, early morning I was in the Metro so I was in Luzon. Then I took a flight to Dumaguete (to save money; man, the plane fares to Mindanao cost the same as the plane fares to Hongkong!) and stayed there for 4 hours and Dumaguete is in the Visayas. I arrived in my hometown in Mindanao by afternoon and completed the national leg for my birthday. Haha :) WOW Philippines should award me or something. See how trivial I've become here?! :)

Neways, I don't know when I'll be able to blog again so I'll just end this message by greeting you all A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A HAPPY NEW YEAR! Be good everyone!

Birth Day

It's my birthday and I'll cry if I want to, I'll cry if I want to, I'll cry if I want to...

Survivor Rocks

I WAS RIGHT!

I’m screaming right now. “I can get loud too, you know!” “Oh my God!” “This is crazy!” My favorite Pearl Islands castaway, the sassy Latina Sandra won and became the 7th Sole Survivor!!! I am so happy. This is only the second time that a favorite castaway of mine won Sole Survivor. The first one was nice guy Ethan from Africa. Of course I liked Brian too, from Thailand. But more because of his cold and calculating strategy (which is difficult to do) than his personality. In Marquesas, I liked Kathy, the emotionally unstable real estate agent. In the Amazon, I liked Rob because we were alike in a lot of ways. We were both Broadcast majors. We both daydreamed of being a castaway. We both like Forrest Gump. We are both geeks. (And a lot more!) Kathy and Rob only finished 3rd place unfortunately.

I really really like Sandra because she was so entertaining and funny. Her strategy was UTR (under the radar) that’s why she was not considered a threat but she was so loud and never boring. She had charisma. She spurned a lot of quotable quotes. She had spunk and she was frank. She was no-nonsense and outspoken. She was very human. She definitely had a lot of memorable moments out there. There was the hiding in the bushes thingy (which was really funny). Then there was the acting sick moment so the 3-girl alliance would not be obvious that had me laughing in stitches. And who would forget the bartering she made during the first episode?! Basta, I really really like her.

Because of Sandra (and okay, Rupert, Christa and Jon), Pearl Islands already stands as one of the better seasons. If I rank them all (sans the Pulau Tiga one since that season was a league of its own), I’d rank Pearl Islands the 3rd best. 3rd best only because I think it was boring pre-merge largely because of the Rupert-centric editing and more focus on the bland Morgan Tribe. The idea of letting the outcasts come back and play was also a bad idea since it defeats the purpose of the "outwit, outplay, outlast" theme; although, in fairness, it made the season more exciting. My favorite season is still Marquesas because of the raw emotions involved and topsy-turvy storyline. Second would be The Amazon because all the castaways were interesting (wala kang itatapon!). I like the editing of Africa and Australian Outback but the outcome was predictable. Thailand was the “bleh” season.

To top my happiness for the Sandra win, I also won in the Pinoy Exchange Survivor: Pearl Islands Prediction game. I will finally have a Survivor buff! Man, I’ve been longing for one since (cliché) time immemorial! LOL! :) I will definitely take a picture of me with the buff when it finally arrives. Shallow I know, but it’s the closest thing I can experience to being a Survivor castaway. I really love that show. I know it’s supposed to be reality-based but for me, it’s escapism. It’s like “bahay-bahayan” for grown-ups wherein if you don’t like someone, you boot him or her out of the house. And the sociological and political factors that come into play are really very interesting.

Okay, enough of Survivor: Pearl Islands. Can’t wait for Survivor: All Star! Haha! :)

Blues

Has my life suddenly become too boring when all of a sudden I can’t find things to blog about? Or have I just been too depressed to find excitement in writing my everyday life experiences no matter how nonsensical they are (just like I always do)? I like to think it’s the latter. I mean, on the surface, a lot of exciting things have surely happened to me in the past week or so. For one, my VCR is back to my fold just in time for the HBO showing of the rad musical Hedwig and the Angry Inch. (The idea may not be exciting to you, but it is to me!) I also got to see two very good movies – Mario O’ Hara’s Babae sa Breakwater (loved it tho I can’t say the same for how Gardo Versoza’s character is written) and Clint Eastwood’s Mystic River (loved it tho I get the feeling the novel’s better). I also got to have a sorta mini-reunion with the Pangako sa ‘Yo Creative team (which almost led to a reunion of sorts to write again for soap). What more, I attended an artsy fartsy birthday party slash poetry reading last night where Yam and I made a fool of ourselves by rapping Andrew Ford Medina while the others were serious about their “rage” poems and songs. He he. :) I mean all these, in my non-depressed state, I would have written in long narcissistic journal entries. But I’m simply not just feeling “it” these days.

Yesterday, I unabashedly bawled out to my former boss again. It was so embarrassing. The first time it happened was when I was still an employee. My turbulent emotions were building up then. There was pressure from work as both soap writer and employee, and there was also the self-pity aspect of having to work 24/7 at the young age of 21 in that a simple reprimand for tardiness caused my tough front to crumble. Yesterday was a different case but more or less the same situation. I don’t wanna disclose everything in detail but my former boss hit a sensitive nerve when she wittingly verbalized all the feelings that I have been hiding from everyone (except my blog readers). It was actually the first time a person re-affirmed what’s really going on within me and for some reason, it just made me cry. I was embarrassed (yes) but it also made me relieved that my tears finally fell. I’m one person who has a jolly/carefree front and it’s difficult to make me cry. What my boss did was a feat and I’m grateful to her for that. Crying is pure catharsis. I love it.

When my boardmate for three years left to transfer to another apartment, it sorta made me reflect again why I’m like this – repressed in expressing happiness and vulnerability. I know it’s petty and childish to blame what you’ve become to what you had experienced when you were younger but I can’t help to think that way. I guess it all goes back to my being aware of the harsh realities of life earlier than everyone when I started living independently (tho financially dependent from my parents) at 12 years old. Living in dormitories and boarding houses hence, I’ve encountered countless cruel people, who toughened my character in the process. I’ve also formed many friendships, which quickly vanished after a sem or so. The abodes are just temporary, see, and whether we admit it or not, physical separation is almost always synonymous to emotional parting as well. I guess this is also the reason why I’m wary to new friendships. It just hurts to hurt.

I’m not bitter, tho. :) I love my life! I know I’m still very blessed! I know, this is just one of the down days. I’m just ranting out. Or maybe, analyzing things. Or maybe this is my way to comfort myself.

Okay, I feel better now. :)

April Fools

While almost half of the metro was busy ogling over Vic and Jerry of F4 fame last Saturday, I was in a small Kamias church shooting for April Boy Regino’s latest music video. Yep. From one jologs phenomenon to another, and I wasn’t involved in production this time. I was a crowd extra. I’m serious.

While admittedly I have innate desire to act in front of the camera, that wasn’t the main motivation why I did that (okay, fine!) invincible stint. I did it for some reasons. Foremost, the director Yam is my friend and she needed talents to play extra. More importantly, I really just wanted to experience the guerilla kind of shoot. The “indie” feel so to speak. The song maybe produced by Star Records, but the staff and crew of the music video were all “indie” peeps and April Boy financed the project himself. (Sssh!)

The concept’s actually cute (sans the April Boy part.:)) The music video would be like one big scene in a wedding but would be played backwards starting from the exit of the entourage and ending with the wedding march. April Boy would play different wedding characters (choirboy, photographer, etc.) until he becomes the groom in the end. Creative idea, I say.

Then there’s the prestige part. No! I don’t mean working for April Boy but working for Yam, a very promising filmmaker who has won countless awards including an elusive Brussels (is a Cannes coming soon?!?) for her short film Binyag. Actually, this last reason alone made me do the project even without pay. Besides, I’d only be an extra, right?

Wrong.

I came to the set thinking that I’d play one of the groomsmen. I brought my barong with me but the wardrobe peeps told me that I’d be wearing a tux instead. Being a certified jologs geek, it was actually my first time to wear one and I thought ‘twas cool. I looked so formal, I like it! :) I thought I would be just like that all throughout but when the crew started setting up for the “April Boy as choir singer” scene, Yam asked me to change costume. I asked her why. She told me that I would also play as one of April Boy’s back-up singers. Uh-oh. :) I wanted to run towards the exit but didn’t have the heart to do so. They lacked “extras” and they obviously counted on my presence. Without a choice, I did what they asked me to do. I had to do those standard April Boy moves, which April Boy instantaneously taught us. Man, he was so damn serious, while I am/was so embarrassed! :)

I survived the scene thankfully but no, it didn’t end there! Yam wanted the crowd to sing along to the song and she had a panning shot of us (and since I was at the front, inevitably a close-up of me.) Aaaaaah! I think I just killed my career. :)

Other than the humiliation, the shoot was more than fine. The staff was obviously pressured to shoot all scenes within the day and there was lack of equipment (like radio or wailer for example) which could have made the crowd direction easier. Still, the nervous mood was definitely nothing compared to the tension-filled set of mainstream moviemaking. I also like the fact that Yam had creative control over her material. (No feeling of big bosses bossing around!) It was alrighty!

They say the music video (“Ikaw Lamang Mahal”) will premiere anytime this week and while I still haven’t seen the final cut, just prepare for the unexpected my dear friends! Be nice, okay?! :) I’m just hoping my close-up shots were edited out. Harshly.

Identity

As of this writing, I still haven't applied for a passport. Nor do I know when I'll be able to apply for one. Beating the December 15 deadline for the Singapore scholarship is already impossibility. I may not also be able to join the out-of-country shoot of my new movie project. All because of an unforeseen mistake.

See, I need to show an authenticated copy of my birth certificate as a requirement for passport application. I thought there would be no hitch. I would go to the National Statistics Office (NSO) to apply for one and a day after would have my authenticated copy. That easy. But as soon as I got hold of the authenticated copy upon claiming it today, I found out the big mistake. I'm registered to a different name. My name is not my name.

Of course, I know about this. And I also know that a few days after my parents registered my original name, they had it changed to my present name. I told the NSO person that my name's already changed and there's a birth certificate bearing my changed name. But the NSO person put it succinctly. My original name is the name under their files and so that's my name! Plain and simple. I would need to apply for a change of name to have the name I'm using now. Are you still with me?! :)

Here lies the problem. The requirements to have my name changed are numerous and complicated. Furthermore, the request should be sent to the local registrar of my birthplace (which is in Mindanao). I immediately called my Tatay to ask for his help but I seriously doubt that the change of name would be swift even if we submit the requirements right away. Not in our bureaucracy.

I will still do everything hoping for the best results but expecting for the worst (as the cliche goes.) It just bewilders me that the name I've been using for 23 years is not really my so-called "official" name. It means that if the national ID system will push through, I'll have a different name and that's just weird. Nevertheless, I'm grateful that my parents changed my name. My original name sucks and it will remain off record! :)