Confirmation

Somebody in Friendster sent me this.

hi wag u magagalit ah kaya lng mukha kng adik ehhhh

LOL. It made my day. :D

Wish I could write longer.

Listful Thinking

I’m okay CF. Okay, I’m not really that okay but I just feel like saying I’m okay for lack of better words of assurance. Heh. :) I’m drained. I’m tired. I’m nervous about work. I’m depressed yet again. I don’t know. I’m clueless. I really miss writing blog entries but my mind’s too wasted from writing for the show I don’t have the capacity anymore to over-analyze my pathetic life like my previous entries. So I’m just going to numerically list down what I’ve been thinking and feeling these past few weeks – from trivial to semi-serious stuff.

1. I still haven’t seen Spiderman 2. Argh. What does this say of me? I thought it’s still showing in Megamall so I caught the last MRT ride hoping to catch the last full show but I found out when I arrived that it’s not screening there anymore. Walked a distance after to nearby Galleria hoping it’s still showing there, only to be disappointed again. Seriously, that got me depressed.

2. I watched Collateral instead and good thing it was a great movie. That fact somehow lessened my sadness. The film’s smartly directed and well acted. Actually if Tom Cruise isn’t starring on this one, it could pass of as an art movie with its semi-philosophical inclination and what have you. IMHO. (That’s “in my honest opinion” for you. Haha.)

3. I badly want GMA 7 to put Joyride in the same timeslot as SCQ Reload. It’s not about being overconfident mind you, rather I think it’s only when that happens when we can say how good we’ve accomplished or the opposite. Hunter X Hunter is just too children’s show or for teenage anime geeks.

4. Our headwriter lives near T. Morato, near a bar where teenagers frequent. We had a meeting there last Saturday which ended around 12 midnight. (5 hours of chikahan, 10 to 15 minutes of “real” discussion. Argh.) When we exited his pad, saw the influx of youth barkadas having fun on their gimmick night out. Seeing them, I began asking myself what have I been doing and where have I been these past 8 years or so. At 24, I’d like to believe I’m a part of this crowd’s age bracket but in reality, I’m really not a part of them. You know what I mean? I’m depressed again.

5. I miss the day. Literally. For the past 2 weeks, I’m awake at nights writing some semi-crappy, semi-good youth soap opera, while I sleep during the day. I hate it. I really hate it.

6. For the record, I’m in a state wherein I prefer “talkative” dramas (those with long but interesting and natural dialogue and simple yet meaningful camera set-ups) than the gimmicky, fast-paced, fast-cut, visual-oriented ones. Having said this, I don’t think I’m really for SCQ Reload.

7. One more thing, I don’t like the fact (a fact that I don’t think will ever change) that in a creative work in mainstream media, everything is up to the bosses, to the people up there so to speak. And the only way to be able to be finally in-charge with everything is for you to be one of them. I am just longing for the day when I can say I did a creative work that I can proudly call my own, not minding if the masses or even you dear readers will like it. It should be a work that’s devoid of any formula and is not mindful of the canonized teachings of what’s good quality. It should just come from, I hate to be sappy but, the heart.

8. I’m still torn whether to leave the show or not. The income is really good. I mean I’m earning in a week what I used to earn in a month for a production work, but is it worth it?! A director says that realistically, it should be 75% working for money and 35% working for love (I don’t know why the total is 110%) for one to be able to survive in the biz. But isn’t that just too depressing?

9. I’m starting to feel guilty for coercing Michiko to join the show’s creative team. I don’t know if I’m doing her good or not. Michiko, if you’re reading this, don’t blame me for whatever you’re going to experience when you join us, okay?! I mean, I’m also confused myself so I don’t know, use your own judgment. :(

10. I enjoy reading these celebrity blogs. Makes me discover some aspects of these stars’ real personalities. Like Ala is really a good, good writer. Paula is really very opinionated. Lucky is such a hopeless romantic. I love being a voyeur, what can you say?!

11. You know my excellent record in predicting a reality show’s outcome right?! I mean, I correctly predicted Sandra to win Survivor: Pearl Islands and Fantasia winning American Idol 3 (see past entries), so let me now make my forecast for The Amazing Race 5. Based on first episode editing, I think dating couple COLIN and CHRISTIE or twins KAMI and KARLA will bring home the 1 million dollars. See we shall if I’m correct.:)

12. Why does Six Feet Under only have 13 episodes per year?! It’s just so frustrating considering it’s a very good show. I looove Six Feet Under. It’s brave without being controversial. It’s thought provoking without the pretense. And it hits you in the heart without the excess. Argh. I can’t wait for Season 4.

13. I’m planning to drop Film 201. I was absent last week and I don’t think I can handle the paper submissions required for the course considering that my mind’s just so drained writing for soap alone. I really feel sad about this but I think this is the right decision for now. Nakakaiyak!

14. As I’m writing this, I’m actually nervous coz it’s 2:30am already and I still have to report to the set later this morning to do some script revisions. I hate this feeling. Argh! I think I really made a stupid decision to go back to soap writing. How many times have I been telling myself that I’m not a writer? Stupid! Stupid! STUPID! Good Lord, help me!

True or Hoax

I just bought Entertainment Weekly's MUST LIST issue and an article caught my attention. It's about a no-holds barred weblog by an anonymous A-list celebrity hiding under the moniker Rance. The article was guessing who this celebrity could be and names came up like Ben Affleck and Owen Wilson. The blog's address is

http://captainhoof.tripod.com/blog/

I still have have to read the blog coz I'm in a hurry now (I still have piles of household chores to do). But maybe you guys can read it and tell me what you think. Do you think it's legit? Or is it just one of the faux celebrity blogs profilerating around like that infamous Kris Aquino Live Journal from last year? Tell me. :)

Incoherent Sentiments

I know, I know, I haven’t been updating my blog lately. As expected, work’s taking most of my time. I haven’t had normal hours of sleep (7 hours for me) in days. I’ve been writing and revising scripts non-stop, it came to a point where I don’t want to see a PC anymore. Okay, I’m in my overacting mode. I now understand Rose, the perennially depressed soap opera writer. :) It’s really depressing to write for soaps. Not only do you constantly write about the characters’ monumental problems and conflicts, you also realize that time passes you by while you’re alone and in front of the computer 24/7. In fairness, our show’s doing very well in the ratings game considering it’s up against anime and the fans of our soap’s stars are still on the road from school during our timeslot. Reading the fan’s positive reactions on the internet is also very gratifying. Still, I don’t want to waste a precious year of my life just staring at the PC. I wanna go out and have fun too! Just like our soap’s characters. :)

I did have fun last last Sunday. It was the birthday of my dearest high school friend Chegay. We had dinner and some chit-chat with our other high school friends living in the metro in G4, and then went to Corinthians KTV in Libis afterwards. As always, I enjoyed singing videoke. I can’t explain it but singing videoke is just so liberating and it also makes me stress-free. I love it! Pleasant surprises on the KTV's video list are Coldplay’s “The Scientist” and Red Hot Chili Pepper’s “Zephyr Song.” There was also Rhett Miller’s “Come Around” but it wouldn’t play. We termed videos on the play list that wouldn’t play as “pirated.”

Tomorrow, or rather today is our city fiesta. I originally planned on going home this weekend since the last time I’ve been home was still last December. It’s just that, again, I couldn’t do so because of work, plus the fact that I also have to prepare for a class report on Monday. (I just remember, I’m also a student. :D ) I did go home last year for the annual food-trip galore. Argh, I’m beginning to crave for lechon now. Actually last year’s fiesta was a bit nostalgic for me because it’s the first fiesta that I was home since I left in 1992. I had fun acting like a “balikbayan” kuno (LOL! :D ) and even happily took pictures of the Sinulog contest and stuff. I love town fiestas!

Anyways, without any connection to the prior contents of this entry, I encourage you guys to watch the Sundance-winning documentary Imelda, now having its regular theater run. The docu’s very funny (thanks to Imelda’s quotable quotes) yet very insightful. I’m shy to admit that I got teary-eyed while watching the flick. No, not because I pitied Imelda but because the docu also gave some historical insights about our nation and how we’ve never really been freed from “colonial” bondage. Considering the recent Angelo de la Cruz crisis and political conflicts, it just really made me sad for the Philippines. I don’t know what’s with me these days. First, my sentimental reaction to the The APL Song music vid, and then now, Imelda, I’m becoming more nationalistic. I should be proud of that, I guess.

I Want to Break Free

I want to resign ASAP! Help! I can’t take it any longer! It’s really difficult when you’re forced to do what you don’t love doing. I mean, I’m proud with what we’ve accomplished so far (the management looooved the pilot eppy) but writing for a daily soap isn’t what I want. I know I sound redundant already. Last week, the EPs assigned me to assist in the editing and it just made me realize that production work is really what I love doing. I enjoyed it so much that when our headwriter asked me to come back to group writing, I felt a strong urge to resist. Argh! Why is life so complicated? One of the top bosses also met with me privately last week asking me why I’m resigning. I told her my reasons but of course I know that asking part was just “showbiz”. I am fully aware (as what had happened with the other writers) that the real reason why she’s meeting me is to tell me that I’m not allowed to resign. Apparently, the info she got was wrong since she thought that I would be resigning right away. I told her I’m going to resign when our headwriter comes back from the US and I guess she was appeased with the info… for the meantime. But see, if I have my way, I really want to resign ASAP. I’m not happy with the way things are going anymore. In fairness, I see the effort of our headwriter and I’m beginning to enjoy the company of my co-writers but it’s the system that I don’t like. We’re working in such a snail pace and there’s too much spoon-feeding involved. There’s also not too much creative freedom because our headwriter has the tendency to dominate discussions, albeit unintentionally. Or maybe we’re just intimidated. Of course this is just the smaller picture coz this is not the main reason rin naman why I want to resign. I can’t wait for October. God, I wanna be free!

SCQ Reload

Finally, the youth show, er, soap I've been working on, SCQ RELOAD, will have its premiere this Monday already. Mark the date peeps, July 12, before TV Patrol.:) I wrote most of Week 1 (with possible spillover in Week 2) so please, please watch it. However, this is still a personal blog okay? This basically means I would really really appreciate it if you don't fill the tagboard with your violent comments about the show (if ever there are any). This blog will remain to be a space for my daily rants and whinings. :)

Again, July 12, before TV Patrol, SCQ Reload!

Grandslam Queen

Michiko Yamamoto, grabe, you won all the screenplay awards this year! Grandslam winner ka na tulad nina Shawie, LT, at Ate Vi! Hehe. Libre, libre, libre! :)

Pinoy Pride

Argh! I always get teary-eyed whenever I see the music video of "The APL Song" by the Black Eyes Peas. Wala lang. :)

Buddy Buddy

Had fun with my high school buds today. It was the birthday of their housemate and I got invited to her dinner treat in a Chinese resto in Rockwell. Yey! :) Before that, Chegay (one of the buds) and I watched Finland's Bad Boys: A True Story in Cinemanila. I wasn’t impressed with the movie. Thought it was a bit superficial (tried to send some anti-dictatorship message but fell short) and gimmicky (for sheer entertainment value). Nevertheless, I enjoyed the movie’s unique brand of inane fun. (If you've seen the music video of The Rasmus' In The Shadow, that robbery scene was taken straight from the movie.:D)

In Rockwell, was pleasantly surprised when I bumped into one of my closest childhood friends Eric. He is a “real” childhood friend like we’ve known each other since we were babies!? (He is a distant relative, we were neighbors and our families are close friends. Well, all the families in the small city where I came from are supposedly close friends.) I haven’t seen him in ages so it was really cool. We lost contact when that’s it, I studied high school in the Visayas and he studied high school in another city in Mindanao. Actually felt nostalgic in there. I mean things aren’t just the same now that we’re young adults. Same with my friendship with our other childhood friends. You know different interests and lifestyles already. The bonds we had as kids weren't also that strong. Friendship then basically equates to being playmates in neighborhood games. (Tho sometimes, one wishes friendship isn't that complicated a term).

Not like the supposed "deep" friendship we have with our high school and college buds. Chegay for example, I certainly won’t forget her for the rest of my life. She once saved my life, you know! It is a funny story. Chegay and I were both dormers and together with our other dormer classmates Jovi and Ging-ging, we were invited by a Born Again classmate to attend their evening worship service with news celebrity Mari Kaimo as speaker. (We are Catholics but our high school is Presbyterian.) Anyways, I’m not sure what exactly happened but during the service I had difficulty breathing. As in di ako makahinga. I panicked shempre and thought I could die if I just kept mum about it. So I quietly told my seatmate Jovi that I couldn’t breathe. The conversation went something like this.

BEATLEBUM: Jov, di ako makahinga.
JOVI (dead serious): Just trust in the Lord. Have faith in him and He will save you.
BEATLEBUM: Talagang di ako makahinga!
JOVI (annoyed): It’s because you don’t accept him as your personal Lord and savior. Trust in the Lord!
BEATLEBUM (naiiyak na): Di ako makahinga sabi eh.
JOVI: (DEDMA)

I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have the heart to exit because we were seated in the middle and I didn’t want to disrupt Mari Kaimo’s emotional testimonial. I mean everyone was crying while listening to his speech for chrissake! I was literally gasping for air (or breathing through my mouth) during the entire service. When it finally ended, I did thank God I was still alive. The girls hurriedly walked back to their dorms after to avoid curfew. They were telling me to hurry up coz I was walking slowly obviously. I told them again that I couldn't breathe. They thought I was overacting. Jovi was still pissed off saying if only I accept Jesus Christ with all my heart and soul. Chegay and Ging-ging were not sure whether to believe me or not (or whether the situation was really that deadly for that matter) so they didn’t mind me. I felt so helpless and couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped walking and began wailing like a baby.

BEATLEBUM: PUTANGINA, DI NGA AKO MAKAHINGA EH!

Okay, there was no cursing but something like that.:) To make the long story short, they rushed me to the ER of the university hospital. I was crying. Felt I would die. Panicked more when the doctors inserted an oxygen tube in my nose. I mean, come on, that was my first time and in the movies, only people who are dying used that to aid them in breathing! But it did help me breathe. And I got addicted with the oxygen to the point where I fought with the doctors when they decided to remove the tube later.

Last I heard, Jovi is already a “Sabadista.”

Promo Overload

Life is boring and I'm too tired to whine yet I wanna update this bloggy so I'll promote some thingy instead. Heh. :)

To my fellow cineastes, the Makati Cinemanila International Film Festival is ongoing at the Greenbelt 1 cinemas. I encourage you guys to support the festival and watch the films. There are a lot of acclaimed foreign titles like Sweden's Evil and Japan's Zatoichi. So far I've seen Girl with a Pearl Earring (Scarlet Johansson was robbed of an Oscar nom!), The Mother (UK version of Naglalayag:D) and Reconstruction (superb cinematography). Anyways, the festival will run till July 12 so there's still time to catch up. If we want this event to go on yearly, we need to support and watch. Okay? :)



To my fellow reality TV freaks, The Amazing Race will premiere on Wednesday, July 7, 9:30am on Studio 23. (The replay will be every Sunday at 7pm, while AXN Asia airs the day's eppy at 8pm). I've been a fan of the show since Season 3 (Go Flo and Zach!) and never missed an episode in Season 4 (Thanks to Kelly and Jon, and lovable biatches Tian and Jaree!). I so wanna play this game (same with Survivor :D) and constantly daydream that I'm one of its contestants. Pathetic, I know! :) Added bonus to Filipino fans, the race will have two pitstops in the Philippines - one in Coconut Palace, Manila, the other in Palawan. Exciting! :)

Finally, please vote for Anna Larrucea in GMA 7's 30 DAYS. Hehehe. Oo na, showbiz na ako! Basta, just text 30DAYS ANNA and send to 2364 for GLOBE/TM and 4627 for SMART/TN. We're not close friends but I worked with her before in My First Romance and I believe she really deserves a second chance. She's a very intelligent actress and kailangan natin ng matatalinong artista dito sa Pilipinas. Astig na punkista din to! Sana maipakita real self nya on-cam. Agree, Pink? I mean you directed her before in that Michael Josh Santana music video.

Go Threena! :)