October 30, 2005

Therapy for the Lonely

It’s Saturday night on a long weekend and since I’m not attractive and cool enough to be invited to those wild Halloween parties, I’m just here at home, updating my blog. Come to think of it, it’s been sometime since I wrote something personal on this blog; you know, something that discloses my inner being or third world angst, those stuff. I realize, and this I observe also in reading other blogs, that we tend to write more intimate stuff when we’re lonely and depressed. But when we’re happy and stress-free (like myself these bum days), we write more about trivial things like detailing a weekend gimmick or answering forwarded surveys, that stuff.

Yes, notwithstanding my being alone on a Saturday night, I’d like to think I’m happy and stress-free so I’m going to answer a forwarded survey which I got from my Friendster bulletin board. The survey tells me to list down 50 random things about myself and they are…

1. It’s only last year when I finally got a bedroom of my own. I grew up sharing bedroom with my parents and younger sibling since we’re poor. When I left home for high school, I lived in a dormitory so I also shared rooms. Same thing happened in college and post-college where I lived in a boarding house.
2. I don’t like to analyze myself. I’m still at number 2 and I’m having a difficult time finishing this survey already.
3. I never imagined myself being a scriptwriter after college. Actually, I still refuse to tag myself with the scriptwriter label. I was never a writer in elementary, high school and college. I was not a part of any school paper. I never attended any scriptwriting workshops. I’m also aware that my English vocabulary and grammar is very elementary. I think my calling is still doing production work.
4. I studied piano for 7 years. I reached Grade 3 but my piano skills are mediocre. I’m just good in reading notes but my weak fingers are not made for playing piano.
5. It’s my secret dream to become a rock star. Thanks to The Beatles and Eraserheads who played major influences not only in my taste of music but also in my life (shucks) when I was in high school.
6. I don’t know how to dance! It’s my greatest frustration.
7. They say I looked like 80’s child star Jaypee de Guzman when I was a kid.
8. I don’t take myself seriously. That’s why I’m also uncomfortable with praises. I don’t know why.
9. I’ve never had a lovelife nor have experienced dating. (LOL! :D Gad, this is embarrassing!)
10. Yeah, like I mentioned, I left home when I was 11 to study high school in another island. I never really got to see my younger sister grow up since she was only 6 when I left. In my 25 years of existence, I only spent 11 complete years living with my parents.
11. My family is not the expressive or intimate kind. We don’t say I Love You’s. We don’t go out together for an outing or dinner. Nevertheless, I know we love each other dearly. We’re just not the 7th Heaven kind of family.
12. Since I left home and became semi-independent at such a young age, I think I matured early. Right now, I’m tired of always being mature and responsible and it shows in my actions. So people perceive me now as “mababaw”. The fact that I’m always assigned to write mainstream light fare is a testament to this perception, I guess. I don’t want to correct them or make a “If only they know” statement though, because it would contradict # 8 of this list. :)
13. We are the only (insert my surname here) in my hometown. I’ve only met two relatives with the same surname in my entire life.
14. I was a “sakristan” and a devout Catholic in elementary. Then I studied in a protestant school in high school that taught me to question my earlier beliefs and thereby causing me to realize that faith ain’t that simple. Then I studied in a secular university and realized that faith is really that simple after all.
15. I cannot breathe in total darkness. They say I’m just afraid of the dark but no; it’s really just a simple case of not being able to breathe in total darkness! :)
16. I used to weigh 106 pounds. Then I started writing for soap and bloated my way to 140. It’s normal for my frame, though.
17. I have a very bad skin. It’s acne-prone and has an uneven tone. I’m insecure because of this. It’s only last week when I found the courage to go to a dermatologist.
18. You all know I want to play in Survivor or The Amazing Race, right? It’s my ultimate geek fantasy.
19. I don’t have any career goal. I just accept projects when offered and not accept any if I want to take a break. Thinking about it now, it’s stressing me out.
20. Of course, like all cineastes, I also dream of writing and directing a movie which I can call my own. But I don’t consider it a career goal. Or should I start considering it now?
21. I get attracted to people who are carefree, eccentric, unassuming, and geeky in a cute way that is. Looks matter, yes, but size don’t! Hahahahaha! :)
22. I don’t know how to swim. I’m planning to take swimming lessons within the year. I just got a number from an ad in Buy and Sell. :)
23. I enjoy reading other people’s blogs, especially the blogs that are linked in my 2 blogs. Reading other people’s blogs is a daily Internet routine.
24. My passport does not bear my real name.
25. I had a happy childhood and high school life and I thank God for it! :)

Whew! That was draining! And to think there’s still 25 more. Will just write and post them later. You know what I realized, though? I actually shared much personal info, which means, if we take into consideration my premise, I’m not totally happy.

But I’m happy! Writing down these random stuff was pure catharsis! Let’s just disregard my theory, okay? :)


CF said...

Had fun reading this post! hehe!

Grabe, hirap naman to think of 25 things, what more 50 things!

Good to know you're happy these days, beatlebum!

beatlebum said...

thanks CF! :)

pero oo nga, iniisip ko pang sulatin ang other 25, nahihirapan na ako! haha :)