Of Passion and Perspiration

As I’m writing this, my housemate Michiko is already in the plane on the way to San Fo. From there, she’ll fly to Utah, the home of Sundance where her film Ang Pagdadalaga Ni Maximo Oliveros is in competition. I’m very excited for Mich. Really. I know she’s just excited to meet Gael Garcia Bernal and Robert Redford and I join her excitement but I’m also excited to find out if her film will win the top plum. I think it has a very strong chance considering gender-sensitive movies are “in” these days in America. Who would have thought the film would go on to compete in Sundance, noh? I mean, remember this blog entry? When they were still trying to raise funds to have the script produced? Galing, di ba! Hay, I’m really proud of my housemate. Sana makagawa rin ako ng pelikula kahit 1/3 lang ng kagandahan ng Maxie.

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Last night I watched Magnolia again on DVD and saw the production diaries. La lang. Biglang na-miss ko ang paggawa ng pelikula. I got inspired by P.T. Anderson kasi. He was so passionate with his work and I long to have that kind of passion in filmmaking again. Jaded na kasi ako eh. I lack the inspiration. Besides, I also think I’m mediocre and I’m not self-deprecating or whatever, okay! Haha! I guess that’s the reason why I mostly do mainstream fare or mainstream TV work in my case. I used to believe, and I wrote it somewhere here, that it’s easier to write art films coz you have the freedom to express and create whatever you want but now, I think mainstream work is easier. May formula kasi eh. And if people dismiss your work, you can always make the excuse that you were just following the formula. Or pwede ring gawing scapegoat ang masa audience! Bad! :) Of course, the requirements of work and the politics behind it can make you insane but materialistic as it may sound, you can always take comfort in the fact that you’re earning a lot. Bad, noh? Ugh, I need to find that P.T. Anderson in me again! Problem is, up to now I still have no clue as to what I really want to pursue. I guess that’s why I just hide in the contrived.

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If I will not be fired before the premiere date, I will be working as one of the story editors in the upcoming Pinoy Big Brother Celebrity Edition. I love reality TV but after attending the meetings this week, I kind of doubt if this show is my forte. I mean what I like about working for reality television is the fact that you create a story out of the raw footages that you culled. Sort of documentary filmmaking, which I love. But here, we also brainstorm for the tasks, for the VTR profiles, for the gimmicks and everything, and I’m clearly lost. But I just want to make a reality story! I hope I’ll find the wits to contribute something worthy in those fields.