I finally saw my Nanay in ICU early this evening. She was confined because of complications from diarrhea or pwede ring because of the leniency of a local government hospital. I should have segued to a rant about better and affordable health care that's lacking in our country, no thanks to corrupt government officials, but there's another venue for that. I just wanted to write an entry because I wanted to express my feelings upon seeing my Nanay that weak. I've never seen her that weak until tonight. She had difficulty talking. Her skin is bloated. She looks pale and older. The wires attached to her body do not help lessen her and my depressed state. I was shattered to pieces and it hurts.
We talked for an hour wherein she shared to me some life realizations because of what happened. She realized my Tatay, who's not the affectionate kind and who's not good with words, indeed loves her the way he took care of her when she got sick. She also told me an anecdote that had me in tears considering I was trying not to show my sadness to cheer her up. Anyway, she told me she asked my cousin, who grew up with my parents, about his greatest fear. My cousin, who hardly shows emotion and is still your typical irresponsible teenager, answered "losing you!". It got her teary eyed because to her, it validates her existence. It also got me me teary-eyed because after seeing her tonight, I feel the same.